the alternate self

To the girl who has the same name as me:

I Googled myself (and also yourself, I suppose) yesterday. Pages and pages of results revealed websites with my (and your) name on them. You are the highly educated (Columbia, UPenn, Pace) heiress of an oil fortune worth billions. You are very popular because you have so many friends on Meetup, LinkedIn, Facebook, and MySpace. You are a part of the Young Entrepreneurs of America club. You are rich. And popular. Your pics on Flickr show you have jetsetted around the world. You did semesters abroad.
But did you ever do coke with the crackhead who lived in the alley behind your dorm?
Christ, you probably have. You could afford it at least. I had to stop because it made me want to die and I couldn't afford to buy food. You stopped and brushed it off as youthful experimentation and exuberance.
I am going through phases these past twenty four hours. At first, I was fascinated by you, my alternate self. Then my neck dipped and I hated having your name and not your life. I wanted a new name. If there were a 'best Emily S----' contest, you would win it. There I am up on stage with a crooked sash and a pathetic, outdated bathing suit. There you are in front of me with a gleaming smile, a bikini and a tan that was so perfect they would later make a statue of you and permanently place it on South Beach. Perfect. I picture you always walking around with a tiara on your expensively and stylishly quaffed hair. Franz on Park Avenue does it for you every morning. He wants to be your gay best friend and says about a thousand times every morning how beautiful you are.
Then I get angry. That is the next phase, Emily.
How dare you be better than me! Better looking. Better bank account. Better employed parents. It is an unjust capitalist society we live in. I am just as talented! I am just as beautiful! Dammit, why don't I have what you have!? Bitch!
Then I think about how I should write you and ask for money. Copyright my name. Sue you for infriging on my territory. You will receive the letter and know that it is impossible to sue somebody for name infringement. You know that because you know the ins and outs of intellectual property laws. You are highly educated and know these things. I had to look it up.
The next phase was defeat.
You win, better self.